


how i always loved you darling (and i always will)

by commonemergency



Series: ficmas 2017. [21]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 07:11:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13095030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonemergency/pseuds/commonemergency
Summary: It was the best kind of I love you, Phil had thought, the unspoken ones.prompt: dan spending christmas with phil





	how i always loved you darling (and i always will)

**Author's Note:**

> wow.

“It’s so cold, and all for a picture.” Dan mutters, his body was not prepared for the cold now that they were here. He was used to London’s weather, but Isle of Man? Nothing prepared him for this kind of cold. It felt like he was naked and he had been locked in a freezer for hours even though he had layers of clothing on him. He ducked his head to block the wind but also not to trip and fall down the hill again. This jacket couldn’t afford to get dirty. He headbutted Phil’s shoulder as they climbed up the hill more, but Phil seemed to enjoy stopping every now and then to get a picture of the sunset that was getting darker by the minute. 

“It’s worth it.” Phil said with a slight snicker, poking Dan’s cheek. Honestly, Phil was just glad that Dan was here. He wanted to document the hell out of everything because of it, even if Dan had been here before, this was different for them. 

“Is it?” Dan rose an eyebrow, ducking when he saw Phil try and swipe at him. “I’m getting the first flight home.” 

“You’re an ass.” Phil stuck his tongue out at his partner and Dan had smiled again. 

“You love my ass.” 

Phil rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help but feel a little warm. 

When they reached the top of the hill they were both out of breath and leaning against the barrier that kept them from falling into the ocean. What they heard was the sound of water crashing against the rocks, it was the most peaceful sound that Dan could think of. It reminded him of many late night conversations of where they would raise children when they have them; both wanting to stay in London but also entertaining the idea of Isle of Man, but they’d miss their friends too much, the city just a _little_ bit, but it was a nice idea. 

Dan had ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, “It really is beautiful out here.” Their shoulders were pressed together as they enjoyed the view and the silence between them. They were eating soon but it seemed to be a tradition to take a walk up the hill for a picture. _It would replace yoga_ , Dan had said earlier. 

“Yeah.” Phil agreed but he was staring at Dan. 

“ _I thought the view was pretty but you thought I was prettier?_ ” Dan had teased but looked a little flushed. 

Phil shook his head, linking their arms together and pressing a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “No, you’re ugly. I’m only here for the tax benefits.” 

Dan just smiled. He wanted to soak in every moment that he could. Christmas time was normally a nice time but it was also a hard one; he wished he could understand why every single holiday and birthday he felt the way that he did, like an overwhelming sadness would just come over him for no particular reason but it’d stay for a while like a shadow, and all Dan could do was just deal with it, and care for it like an unwelcome guest. It was all he knew. He wanted this year to be different. He wanted the New Year to be _a new year_ , even though 2017 had felt like a breath of fresh air in a lot of ways. There was always room for improvement. 

“Ready for your picture?” Dan eventually broke the silence and Phil nodded his head. 

“Walk over a bit,” Dan instructed, _to the right a bit_ and Phil slid as gracefully as he could. He snapped a few pictures and then Phil motioned for Dan to come near so they could take a few together. 

Dan had smushed his face against Phil’s because he could, because no one was watching, because it felt good to be a little risky and a little brave. Dan had grabbed his phone out of his pocket and Phil was prepared to smile but Dan had kissed him and took the pictures as quickly as he could. When the kiss ended and the pictures were taken Phil was the one who looked flushed but his smile stretched from ear to ear. 

“You love me.” Phil’s voice was leveled, like it normally sounded, but there was a hint of curiosity- though Dan didn’t know why. 

“Unfortunately.” Dan teased, cupping Phil’s face this time, staring at him longer and trying to communicate every unspoken word, and he leaned in again, his lips pressing against Phil’s, and taking his time; like he was getting to know Phil even though he knew everything about him, even the things that he didn’t think he knew. 

_It was the best kind of I love you_ , Phil had thought, _the unspoken ones_. 

“Are you happy with these?” Dan had asked once they had pulled apart. 

Phil didn’t even bother looking at the photos. 

“They’re perfect.” 

“Great, let’s go back, I’m freezing my tits off.” Dan had grabbed Phil’s hand this time to lead them, and Phil couldn’t help but think that being here had given them some kind of freedom but he wasn’t complaining. Holding hands was much better than shoving them into deep pockets of their coats, it had given them another level of intimacy that was normally behind closed doors. 

“We didn't get any of you.” Phil had thought. 

“We have all the time in the world, Phil.” Dan had reminded him, squeezing his hand.  


Dan couldn’t help but feel a little bit at home when they walked through the doors with the decorations up and the Christmas lights on, and Kathryn reminding them that food would be ready in twenty minutes. Martyn and Cornelia were watching something on the telly wrapped up in each other and Phil’s dad was working on the fire. Dan and Phil had gone up to their room to change into pyjamas like the rest of the family, and they had looked through the photos together, mocking each other’s photo skills whenever a blurry picture had come up. 

When they had come back down everyone seemed to be helping put the table together with plates and utensils and Dan had joined, every so often Kathryn coming up behind him and placing a hand on his shoulder. Everyone had a place here and Dan was just starting to find his.

**Author's Note:**

> comments/kudos appreciated! 
> 
> talk to me on tumblr/twitter: **@nihilismdan.**


End file.
